Hello my lovelies, Today is a day of reminding myself of the past. I have faced my fair few struggles in my life so far, my struggles have changed me and built me up as a person, someone who definitely is very different from who i was in the past.
You change for the better and become someone who is going to help you build your own future, build you own life, and experience things that you could dare to dream you can actually do.
You are born to be the best person you can always be, you were born to change the world and shape your own future.
I have struggled all my life with anxiety, I've had ups and downs and have been in really bad places before, my ideal way of getting out of my bad places are figure skating, and being able to put other people before myself. My future has always depended on who I am, and what my education says about me, my GCSEs weren't the best, I was terribly ill with anxiety,, and stress related bronchitis and tonsillitis.
I wouldn't say that I'm perfect or by far i have had the worst life possible, but i have had my fair share of life issues problems I was 12 when i found out my auntie had cancer, she was my only auntie who was also my best friend. When we found out it never really sunk in and m still struggling with her death now, it was like I had a grenade, looking after this grenade waiting for it to explode trying to keep it as best protected as I possibly could, however someone who wanted me to hurt, she had cancer for years but NO ONE knew, she died two months later in November, when she died it was like this grenade blew up but, not because I didn't take enough care, somebody pulled that trigger because they wanted us as a family to hurt, I struggle terribly with her death now and probably will always struggle, its a sudden hit of reality. It was like, somebody pulled the pin on my grenade, and it blew up in front of me.
This then became the time that my anxiety had really started to settle in and make itself known, however at this time i went to a school where i was ridiculously badly bullied to the point i refused to go to school. this was only because people didn't believe me that my auntie had died and i was just making it up for attention.
My release was Ice skating, i entered competitions and continued to do the thing that i loved more than anything in the world. It was my ex=scape from reality, it was something i could be proud of something that would let me be myself and enjoy my life. My anxiety got so bad i had to stop meaning a huge part off me was left empty.
So now we are in this day, 2016 is almost over ad 2017 is about to begin, I have had so many Ups in 2016 but my downs over powered my ups meaning 2016 wasn't the year I had dreamed of! My best friend was in a car accident and was left seriously injured with brain damage, she cant walk or talk and is completely different from who she used to be. But she's still my best friend and I will be by her side through it all. She remembers everything but it feels crazy to think of who she is now.
Life continues on and sometimes you face struggles but everyday is a new day, yesterday was the past, tomorrows the future and well we live for today.
I'm really sorry this is so long. It was quite intense.
Lots of love my angels.
V xx
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